While I'm Waiting

There are times in my life when I know God is changing the landscape of my life and I become inpatient and don't want to wait to see the whole picture. Now is definately one of those times.

Seasons in my life have come and gone, but during all of these years, there has been one constant thorn which pricks time and time again. God is working it out, and painting a new picture. The old view however has been there for so long, and many in my life have refused to look at it. We tend to see it for the way we want to see it, and not as how ugly it really is. We see it as part of the far away part of the picture, and don't realize how much it is affecting the here and now.

God has now brought it to the forefront. Something that no longer can be denied, and my family is facing it head on. This new view is not without pain though. Pain of lost years, and lost time based on false gods and idols.

Satan is so sneaky. I believe in God and in Jesus Christ, yet Satan's voice rings loudly in my head telling me "you need to do something to take care of yourself. You need to take action, because God will never take care of you in this particular area of your life. You are on your own. You have had enough chances. No matter how hard you try, you will never be secure in this area and you will always be waiting for the other shoe to drop". What a load of junk!!

Well Satan, I am here to say that I no longer believe your incredibly ridiculous lies. You have led me and my family astray for far too long. I believe in Jesus...and I believe that as long as I keep HIM and my relationship with Him as my top priority, He will provide for me and my family in all areas of our lives. I also believe that when I forget, He is also taking care of me, by giving me nudges and knocks on my head saying "Hear I am!" I believe He wants the best for me and my family and that our lives will be used to bring glory to HIM not to you.

So while I wait for this new picture of my life...Lord I will stay focused on you and all of the gifts you have provided in my life, instead of focusing on Satan's lies. I will put on my coat of armor each morning that you gave me to wear. The sandals of peace, the belt of truth, the breastplate of righteousness, the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit...which is the Word of God.
Ephesians 6:10-19

Roller coasters

As a child I loved roller coasters. The thrill of the speed of the coaster, the feeling of falling when decending before the big loop de loops, the weightlessness when going over the hills and the security of being safe in my seat when I was in the valley's. As I mature, which is a great word to use instead of "get older", I'm debating on if I like the roller coaster's of life.

Although I learn much about myself and others, the turmoil and the scrambling of my brain that happens when I'm riding the ride makes me extremely nautious when the ride comes to a halt. I get off the ride, look back, and realize that the most comfortable I felt was in the valley. When I'm in a place where I am so terrified for the next "lift" that I have no place to go except open my heart to others and God and ask them to hold my hands through the tunnels.

I want to come to a place that when im heading up the lift, I no longer let go of your hands and throw mine in the air and say, "Never mind I got this". Each incline seems to get higher and the decent so much more scarier. I want to learn how to keep my hand in His and yours for the entire ride, so I can enjoy the whole ride again, just as I did as a child.

Connections to my soul

Another filled week of inspiration. I guess in order to keep up with my blog, I need to keep going away and doing inner child work! It seems that is when I get filled to share experiences of my life. It doesn't seem so scary to let others in.

I became a big girl again this past week and found my big girl panties to stand up and say...I'm worth more than the crumbs I settle for. I teach people how to treat me and get resentful at their actions...which ends up just hurting me in the end. I am a caretaker who gets out of herself by running around trying to help heal others pain. Which is good, to an extent. But when I suffer in the process, I have clearly gone over the edge and am out of control. I need my peeps to fill me up as well and take care of my needs. I have needs, I have discovered. And it's okay to go to people who can fill them.

Back to the basics. Spiritual foundations, connectedness, intimacy, honesty. Basic ingredients for a fulfilling life. I am hopeful for the future and for my next season of my life on this Earth. Come along for the ride. If not, I'm going to enjoy myself anyway! Sunrises and sunsets, God's promises of new beginnings and new ends. Going to try and live each day with gratitude for the breath He gives me in the morning and share it with those who want to share it with me. I've also learned that empty wells can be filled again with work. Just punch another hole to a new spring, and see what happens. Life is going to be good!