Just got back from Bible Study and felt inspired to comment on some of the thoughts the study stirred up in my head.
We talked about how God is Love and what that means. I put so many limits on it based on my experiences with the human race. I feel I have to do the right thing all the time, or God will walk away just like people have done in my life, or how I have done that to other's in my life. Why do we (I) do that? Love does hurt sometimes. Sometimes I don't want to hear the truth that people tell me, but it doesn't mean I need to walk away, even though that feels like the easier and less painful way at that very moment. Just because I've been asked what I thought, or I write down how I'm feeling at any given moment, doesn't mean that I'll feel that way forever. Restraint of pen and tongue they say, and sometimes that is the best thing thing to do. I don't want to hurt people, it is never my intention...well, maybe not never. I must confess that I have lashed out a few times based on the hurt I was feeling, but for the most part my intentions are good and I thoroughly regret it once I've hit the send button. I don't want to see anyone that I love hurting and sometimes I think I know what is best for them. My epiphany is that only God knows that. Even though I may feel it in every fiber of my being that things are not as they should be, they are. They are right in line with the Divine Plan. God can make good out of any situation, and I just need to sit back, relax, watch, and spread the love I feel inside. Sometimes I feel it so passionately that I feel I'll bust at the seams.
Recently (well, within the past year or so), I have been extremely devastated by loss. It has caused me to shut down, keep friends at bay, don't let others get too close...because I don't want to feel the grief that has built up inside me. Today, and just for today, I thank God for the gift of love that he has given me to share with others and the pain that it sometimes causes within me. I can only imagine the pain He feels when I walk away from Him. The thought of knowing that He loves me anyway as I am wondering is comforting to me. The thought of knowing that He is thinking of me, when I am not necessarily thinking of Him, brings me peace. The thought of knowing that once I feel this grief out to the end will give me more room for His love and the love of other's gives me hope.
Matthew 22:36-40 (New International Version, ©2010)
36 “Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?”
37 Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’[a] 38 This is the first and greatest commandment. 39 And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’[b] 40 All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”