Monday, November 21, 2011

Roller coasters

As a child I loved roller coasters. The thrill of the speed of the coaster, the feeling of falling when decending before the big loop de loops, the weightlessness when going over the hills and the security of being safe in my seat when I was in the valley's. As I mature, which is a great word to use instead of "get older", I'm debating on if I like the roller coaster's of life.

Although I learn much about myself and others, the turmoil and the scrambling of my brain that happens when I'm riding the ride makes me extremely nautious when the ride comes to a halt. I get off the ride, look back, and realize that the most comfortable I felt was in the valley. When I'm in a place where I am so terrified for the next "lift" that I have no place to go except open my heart to others and God and ask them to hold my hands through the tunnels.

I want to come to a place that when im heading up the lift, I no longer let go of your hands and throw mine in the air and say, "Never mind I got this". Each incline seems to get higher and the decent so much more scarier. I want to learn how to keep my hand in His and yours for the entire ride, so I can enjoy the whole ride again, just as I did as a child.

Thursday, November 17, 2011

Connections to my soul

Another filled week of inspiration. I guess in order to keep up with my blog, I need to keep going away and doing inner child work! It seems that is when I get filled to share experiences of my life. It doesn't seem so scary to let others in.

I became a big girl again this past week and found my big girl panties to stand up and say...I'm worth more than the crumbs I settle for. I teach people how to treat me and get resentful at their actions...which ends up just hurting me in the end. I am a caretaker who gets out of herself by running around trying to help heal others pain. Which is good, to an extent. But when I suffer in the process, I have clearly gone over the edge and am out of control. I need my peeps to fill me up as well and take care of my needs. I have needs, I have discovered. And it's okay to go to people who can fill them.

Back to the basics. Spiritual foundations, connectedness, intimacy, honesty. Basic ingredients for a fulfilling life. I am hopeful for the future and for my next season of my life on this Earth. Come along for the ride. If not, I'm going to enjoy myself anyway! Sunrises and sunsets, God's promises of new beginnings and new ends. Going to try and live each day with gratitude for the breath He gives me in the morning and share it with those who want to share it with me. I've also learned that empty wells can be filled again with work. Just punch another hole to a new spring, and see what happens. Life is going to be good!